SCHOOL OF HARD KNOCKS

Okay, so our transition to farm life, as glamorous as it sounds is not without incident.

In order to write in an unbiased way, and to maintain the integrity of these true stories, I feel compelled to share some not so pleasant things that transpired.

Let's face it, when you embark on a task that you have never done before and you have limited and/or no knowledge of how to do it, there are going to be mistakes or incidents that you feel embarrassed about. You learn from these mistakes and find out what works and what doesn't.

Welcome to the UNIVERSITY OF HARD KNOCKS

Incident #1

We started out with two black Angus heifers. We had no bulls. I was going to call someone over to artificially inseminate the heifer. Since a steel headlock was priced upwards toward a $1,000.00 price tag, I decided to build my own.

I built it right at the feed trough in the barn. When the cows hear the sound of the feed being poured into the trough, they come running. I put sides on the stall and a headlock using a 2x6 board. When the cow came into the stall to eat the feed, I would then pull a rope and close the board around her neck so her head could not come through. Wrong, when I pulled the rope and this huge cow felt trapped and she bowed up and grunted. She pulled through, stood up, turned around. Timber started crashing, boards were breaking and I thought this wild beast was going to take out the back side of my barn. It was wild with a attitude problem!!! I believe it rained on her parade. Back to the drawing board...

SOLUTION.... I narrowed the sides of the stall to 24" to reduce side movement. I used another 2x6 to close to 6 " to allow for the thickness of her neck. Now, as you pull the rope attached to the neck board, it swings over, and as it is coming over, a bungee cord pulls another 2x4 over and down and locks in a slot so the 2x4 can keep the 2x6 from releasing. I tried it several times and now it works. Patent pending.. Here is the proper name for it:

"ARKANSAS CERTIFIED LIVESTOCK RESTRAINT MECHANISM APPARATUS"

Incident #2

Wasps has always been a problem here. In the hot summertime, you always have to beware aware of them and act accordingly. A cheap inexpensive solution for any wasp nest is a solution of warm soapy water. This kills them quickly without the need of buying commercial spray.

One day when I was coming home from work, I stopped at the auto parts store to buy a steel clutch throw-out bearing for my truck. I pulled up in my driveway and grabbed the bag that contained the part I just bought. As I walked up to the house and grabbed the doorknob with my left hand, a large red wasp landed on my nose. Yes, you guessed it!! Instinctively, I swapped it away with my right hand. OUCH!!! That was the hand that I was holding the steel bearing in. What hurts worst?, a steel bearing running into you nose at 45MPH or a sting from a red wasp? I was leaving a trail of blood coming in the front door. It looked like I had been chasing parked cars.

SOLUTION: NOTHING. A case of being in the wrong place at the wrong time!!!

Incident # 3

I make it a habit to feed all the animals before I leave to go to work about 6:00 am everyday. One day as I headed out the back door, heading to the barn, I could see lightning from a approaching storm in the distance. I hurried to the barn so I could cover up my hay in case the wind would blow water through a vent opening and get the hay wet.

I then grabbed a tarp and lifted it over the top of the hay. As I walked around the large bail of hay, "BAM!!! I hit a splintered 2x4 right in my forehead. As I am now holding my hand to my head and wincing in pain, I stood still waiting for the pain to subside. I knew that that board jutting down from the loft above was there and I have had several near misses before. This really had me aggravated. I KNEW BETTER!!

When the pain subsided, I continued covering up the hay from the other side. As I walked around, guess what??? BAM!!! I am now holding my forehead in the same place again!!!! I can't believe I did it again!! I was that much the more mad at myself. It seems like a sequel from a Laurel & Hardy scene. In my mind, I am pondering how this could happen not once, but twice. Now bleeding, I looked like I tangled with a wildcat. I tried to forget about this Monday morning, but I had plenty of co-workers asking me what happened to my head. What could I say? Just tell them the truth. Oh well, even though it was a Monday morning, the rest of the day was a breeze. What else could happen?

SOLUTION: GET THE CHAINSAW OUT AND CUT THAT CRAZY BOARD INSTEAD OF IGNORING IT,

Yes, this is the UNIVERSITY OF HARD KNOCKS where you learn by experience the old fashion way. No, I have not got my degree yet. The last time I had a degree, I took an aspirin and it went away. I am still learning.